back on some meds - again

Well, last week sometime my husband very tentatively informed me that he could really use some more help around the house, dishes, packing school lunches, etc. He was worn out. And I don't blame him. And I don't know how to explain how completely paralyzed I sometimes feel when faced with these tasks. How something so simple can overwhelm me and it's as if my whole being has been sucked out of me. It's all I can do to move. I don't know how to explain how terrible I feel for not doing more, and the guilt, and the shame - and how all of that piles on top of me and makes it even more difficult to actually move and do anything at all. I just felt really bad.

Also my 4 yr. old son has been diagnosed with ADHD, anxiety disorder, expressive language disorder and possibly sensory processing disorder. And I need to be a better parent to even begin to tackle all the tasks that lie ahead in getting him help. I have to be a more patient, and understanding, and organized mom. And I can't do it if I am depressed.

So I made an appointment with my Dr. last Thurs.

We discussed different options and medications for nearly an hour, and finally decided to try a lower dose of Paxil than I had taken before and combine it with a low dose of Wellbutrin and hope that the combination of the 2 can help me. The idea, I guess, is that the Wellbutrin will help with the depression, the Paxil will help the anxiety and the lower doses of each will hopefully not give me so many negative side effects, but combine together to be effective for me. We'll see. I started on the 12.5 mg of Paxil on Friday, then I after a week or so, I will add in the Wellbutrin.

I'll try to keep you updated.

it's been awhile

I guess it's been awhile since I've written on this blog. I finished the bottle of St. John's Wort that I had and didn't really feel like it had been helping. I didn't really feel any different after I stopped.

Things with my kids and family have been overwhelming lately. We are trying to get a diagnosis for my son and it has been taking a lot of time and money. I think I've been waiting for a week where I don't already have other appointments for the kids (ha! when will that be??) before I schedule an appt. with my Dr. I'm also just not sure what I will tell him. Seems like they kind of expect me to have my own idea of what to do to help my depression and I have run out of ideas.

I haven't felt as depressed lately as just hopeless and irritable. I guess that kind of goes hand in hand with the whole depression package, though.

I just haven't really had anything new to say on here. It's just kind of the same old, same old. And I'm tired. So I've kind of set it aside for a bit.

Thanks for your comment, Aqua, and for asking how I'm doing. :)

Hopefully I will think of something else to write about soon.