Being Anonymous

I've been thinking about how interesting it is to have an anonymous blog. I have another blog where I post about all the things my kids do and anything else I think about. This one was my husband's idea. He thought it might be nice for me to have an outlet for my thoughts about depression that maybe I wouldn't feel comfortable writing about to peoplet that actually know me. So, I decided to try it. I thought it might actually feel therapeutic. And my hope is that some other person might someday read it, as they go through their own struggles, and maybe gain something from my "real life" experience, whatever that might be.

But it is also strange. I consider myself to be a pretty open book. I can never tell someone I'm "fine" when I'm obviously not. I've been telling a lot more people in recent years about my struggles with depression and anxiety. But I have caught myself being more willing to tell them about my postpartum depression since I have tended to have that, as well. But I am less likely to tell them that I have the regular variety of depression that crops up at other times of my life, as well. As if to say that postpartum depression is more understandable, perhaps more accepted, and maybe more commonplace, than the other. As if they would judge me less harshly for "just" having that. But it's not true.

And by being anonymous, I realized there is still a part of me that really doesn't want other people to really know what goes on with me. Although I feel a need to reach out for support and I need to talk about it, I still hold back. And by doing so, I am probably feeding some others' misperceptions and stereotypes about mental illness - and depression and anxiety issues.

So, although I am all for reducing stigma, and I don't think there is anything "wrong" with having these diagnoses (it doesn't make me a bad person or weak or something like that), it still feels like an open wound. One that might be easily damaged if disturbed or poked or prodded too much. It still hurts a little to let someone see. So I do so cautiously. And I am quick to bandage it back up quickly and hide it again. I don't want too many people to know. And I am careful about who I might let in, as well.

But I will try to write a bit more about me, personally. If there is anyone else reading this, perhaps they would like to know more about me, so things make a little more sense. I will try to give a broader glimpse of my life and who I am.

But I still won't tell my neighbors I write this blog. I will keep myself anonymous, for now. And perhaps one day it won't be a big deal to tell everyone about it. Maybe one day, it really won't matter if you have depression, or diabetes, or dandruff. Because we all have struggles of one kind or another. We all go through this human experience the best we can.
And we should help each other.
That's what we're here for.